Why The UK Won't Be Hosting The 2012 Olympics

London does not stand a "cat's chance" in hell of winning the 2012 Olympics bid:

• The London transport infrastructure is not up to standard, and will not be in time for the Games.



• The decision as to who will host the Games will be made next year. The near debacle of the Athens Olympic Games, with regard to delayed construction projects and cost overruns, means that the judging panel will never put themselves in a position like that again. They will be looking for infrastructure that is already in place. The UK does not have that infrastructure in place.



• The voting panel for the IOC consists of a number of European countries. It is well understood that if the 2012 Games were to be held in Europe, then the 2016 Games (for political reasons) could not be held in Europe as well. Spain, for one, wish to bid for the 2016 Games; they will vote against London and Paris in the 2012 decision.



• The cost overruns of the 2004 Games, $12BN against budget of $5BN, plus the expected costs of the 2008 Games ($35BN); means that the cost of holding the 2012 Games are prohibitively expensive. It would be lunacy to bid for them, we can't afford them.

In short, the Olympics aren't coming to Britain.

Idiot

The idiot who disrupted the Olympics marathon, by running near the finishing line and pushing the lead runner, has been cleared of indecently assaulting a 7 year old girl.

Cornelius Horan, who was a priest, said:

"I feel now I have completed my mission at sporting events to tell the world about the second coming of Christ..".

All Change

One half of the disgraced "dynamic duo" of Greek sprinting, Costas Kenteris, has named Giorgios Panagiotopoulos as his new coach.

Kenteris sacked his last coach, Christos Tzekos, after his expulsion from the Olympic Games in Athens; for avoiding a dope test, and faking a motorcycle accident.

Kenteris and his partner in crime, Thanou, are expecting to find out on Monday if they will face misdemeanour charges; for obstructing a doping test, and for making false statements after their motorcycle "crash".

Putting it Behind Her

British world marathon record holder, Paula Radcliffe, has put her failure at the Athens Olympics behind her; yesterday she announced that she will run in the New York marathon on November 7.

During the Olympics she dropped out of both the marathon, and 10,000 metres.

She started as the favorite for the marathon in the Olympics. However, she crashed out in tears 6km from the finish; describing it as the most traumatic experience of her life.

Athlete's Fake Penis

In the increasingly bizarre world of athletics, especially the Olympics, nothing exercises some athletes' "mental capacities" more than how to cheat the dope tests.

The World Anti-Doping Agency director-general David Howman, yesterday displayed one of the devices that was used by a member of the Hungarian team in Athens in August.

It comprises a plug which is inserted in the rectum, a small reservoir for "clean" urine, and a tube which is attached to the underside of the penis.

If these cheats stopped wasting their time and energy on cheating, they might actually win gold without having to cheat.

Britain's "Plans" To Win the 2012 Olympics

The Institute for Public Policy Research (IPPR) and Demos, think tanks who advise the UK government, have come up with a "brilliant wheeze"; designed to ensure that the UK wins the bid to host the 2012 Olympics.

It seems that the bright boys in Demos and IPPR have suggested that pubs should stage their own Olympics, apparently this will sway the Olympic judges decision as to which country should host the 2012 Games.

Clearly the members of these "think tanks" don't get out much.

They also suggest that Britain should host "Street Olympics".

I have to say, I find it incredible that good money is being thrown away on coming up with ideas that have no chance of winning the bid.

The bottom line is very simple, the UK will not be hosting the 2012 Olympics.

Let us move on, and focus our attention on more pressing issues.

Olympic Flower

It is reported that the Iranian sculptor, Jamshid Moradian, will visit Italy to take part in the third Symposium of Mountains and the Winter Olympic Games.

He will create the symbol for the Winter Olympic Games 2005, known as the "Olympic Flower".

The design depicts a rock from which five olive leaves, representing the 5 continents, protrude. Each of the leaves has a ring of the Olympics emerging from below.

The artistic work will be carved onto the mountain, and will be illuminated by lamps.